Risky Muffin
by The Swordslinger
Summary: Crack-pairing! Muffet x Frisk. A one-shot gallery for this odd crack pairing that has been haunting my mind ever since I finished Undertale. What happens when a mute and eccentric boy starts spending too much time with a creepy but adorable spider girl? Takes place after the True Pacifist ending, so don't read if you haven't finished the game, there's spoilers. Slight OOC Muffet.
1. Sweet buns

I OWN NOTHING

Like some of you may have figured it out, I am now in love with a certain game called Undertale. That's when something odd hit me given my love for pasta, odd attraction to spiders, and belly-dancing.

It won't make sense to anyone but me.

So here's an odd crack pairing, my first time doing this to be honest. And why am I doing this? Well, why not?

Pairings \- Frisk x Muffet, and Undyne x Alphys. Sorry guys, but I don't see myself supporting any of the other fan pairings because I'm not interested into getting in any of those shipping wars. At least Undyne and Alphys are a canon thing so I can get away with that. As for this main pairing, it's all crack so flame all you want if it's not your OTP and it somehow hurts you, I won't care.

 **XXXXXX**

Frisk, as odd as he could be, was perhaps smarter than his new family could give him credit for. He managed to befriend them, do things they would think impossible for a little kid, and all while being a rather introverted child. Now a grown teen, or rather just a twelve year old boy, he was ready to face his new life as an ambassador for humans and monsters.

And the best way to face monsters was perhaps ass first, with your face placed in a pair of soft purple cheeks covering your vision.

How did it come to this?

He'd have asked that but as always, even in the cruelest of situations, he said nothing.

It was a pretty normal day before the mess started.

Frisk was combing his now longer hair which reached his shoulder. He frowned at the fact he could still be confused for a girl, though. His seemingly permanently narrowed eyes didn't dwell on his features when he stared at his mirror, and so he started his day by staring at the card for the Spider Bake Sale. He had a special discount so long as he brought it with him, and showed it to the owner.

Their first meeting was… best forgotten in his opinion. But after getting to the surface, setting a nice shop, and awing the people with countless spiders bringing them delicious pastries Muffet earned herself a pretty big coin. Even the Nice Cream guy found some luck when walking around beaches and parks with his little shop. Sans for his part… was still Sans. You could count on him for hotdogs and hotcats, but part of you wondered why you saw him at a hotel one minute and then at the top of an office building the next earning easy money the next.

Speaking of the lazy skeleton, he gave Frisk one of his hoodies as a present, which the boy used almost all the time, even in summer. Surprisingly, it made weather meaningless and kept him cool in hot days and warm in cold nights. Toriel herself had been confused by it, but decided to roll with it seeing how her surrogate son was doing well.

Speaking of the female goat monster, she was calling him, "Frisk, breakfast is ready." He put on his striped shirt, a pair of blue shorts, his black shoes, and his hoodie on top with the hood down.

Toriel was already finishing her own meal while the boy sat with her at the table, digging into his eggs and bacon.

He gave the horned woman a bright smile, telling her like that what he meant to say, "I'm glad you enjoy it, dear. Now, would you like to hear some good news?" he nodded, "Well, school has been cancelled. It appears that Papyrus somehow convinced the principal to let him use the cafeteria to make a Spaghetti Day last night."

He arched a brow at that, silently questioning what she meant.

"Basically, he wants to feed the homeless with his pasta." She replied with a proud smile, "I heard that it's at least edible now, not great, just… ok."

Being nice towards Papyrus' cooking was a tall order, but one could manage so long as he and Undyne weren't together in the kitchen. At least a certain yellow lizard kept the fish warrior lady busy by having her as a bodyguard at anime conventions. If some nerd tried to flame, troll, or bully Alphys for her taste in anime, they'd learn to never do it again the painful or the urine-in-pants scary way.

Frisk pondered what to do with his free day then, and then remembered the card that displayed Muffet in her puffy red outfit holding six plates in each of her hands showing some of her best products. So far he hoped her pet wasn't in the menu, then he'd… Huh, it seems he actually found something to do that day.

Seeing him get up, Toriel asked, "Where are you going?" He flashed her the card, making her nod, "Ok then, dear. Just be careful and try not to eat too much before lunch."

The boy nodded and walked out the door, meeting none other than King Asgore, "Oh Frisk… A-Ahem…" he was wearing his new pink shirt with white flowers, and nervously adjusting his collar with one hand while the other held a net especially made for capturing snails, "Is Tori… I mean, is Toriel at home?"

He nodded truthfully. He felt for the old king, wanting to patch things with his ex.

In all honesty, Frisk didn't think Toriel was in mood for dating. She did enjoy spending time with Sans but so far that seemed to build more into friendship than a relationship, which Sans respected. Asgore for his part wanted to at least patch things up with the fire using woman, to at least earn her friendship after everything he did. She… at least tried to tolerate him, but only when Frisk was around.

"Dreemurr…" her cold voice told the boy she was doing a great job at not letting her anger win.

"Ah… Toriel, I… Um, I found a nice snail hunting spot at the park. We could… or you could go there with this…" he handed her the net.

She sighed but accepted it, "Thanks." She looked at her son in all but blood, "Actually, I need a favor of you, Asgore."

Frisk had a pretty good idea what it'd be.

The bearded goat smiled brightly, his white cheeks now pink because of the intense blush beneath his fur, "Sure thing, Toriel. Just ask."

"Frisk is going to the Spider Café. I want you to go with him and make sure he's all right." She said calmly.

The other goat blinked, "Wait, why would that be dangerous? Isn't Muffet-"

Her eyes narrowed, cutting him off, "Am I clear, Dreemurr?"

Frisk winced a bit, she had finally called him by his first name and then went back to using his last name sternly.

The goat man nodded, gulping, "C-Crystal."

She smiled at Frisk, "Good. Now go on, Frisk. I shall hunt some snails for today's dessert."

He nodded, looking forward to it.

Hey, after everything he ate at the Underground, having something similar to French food didn't sound so bad.

Frisk got into Asgore's car, the goat man pulling his seatbelt as the kid did so too, and tried to make conversation, "So… you like spiders?" the boy nodded, "I mean, there's nothing wrong with them and they make good food, but… Muffet is a bit scary, even to me."

Hearing the man that destroyed any option for mercy say that really confused the boy, which he communicated with a questioning glance at him.

"Ok, I may be strong, but Muffet knows how to make people play by her rules." He nodded a bit grimly at that, still remembering how he climbed up away from her pet while she giggled, served him a cup of spiders, or danced along her brethren. "And that's how she runs her business and life."

Frisk nodded again, but he knew better. Muffet did all of that to secure all spider clans were together and living a happy life. Considering how far apart they were because of the snowy weather in the caverns separating the Ruins and the Core, he could see why she'd act that way for money. It didn't mean she didn't scare him when he found himself trapped in her web.

"Still, you're our ambassador and around her age. I'm surprised how talented you both are." Asgore's voice had pride all over it.

True enough, he was surprised that Muffet was actually the same age as him, she just happened to be a different kind of spider than the others, and knew how to use her charms well. Not to mention she had a lot of good marketing on the web… Ok, maybe Frisk spent more time than he should with Sans.

They finally pulled over a small shop with a large crystal window leaving half a dozen tables to be seen, the counter which displayed many delicious pastries, and thousands of spiders crawling around. The tiny arachnids and some bigger ones – like tarantulas – all carried plates either with food or empty around, greeting cards, menus, and pens and notebooks to take the orders of any costumers.

And on the counter, with her two pigtails still small and cute on her, though Frisk would admit no matter what she did she'd still look adorable, was Muffet. She now had a cute maid outfit complete with a hat, and still remained taller than him. He wasn't a very tall child, heck, he just managed to grow an inch over Sans since they left the Underground.

He recognized a schoolgirl in a sailor uniform whose body was made of green fire seated with a bashful looking human teen in a black Japanese uniform fidgeting before her. She did look amused. Frisk wondered if the teen actually tried to picture what it'd be like to date fire or if he was willing to take the risk.

Watching Asgore at the door was enough of a clue that he should just enter and place his order.

"Ah, welcome, dearie." Muffet sang behind the cash register, her five eyes staring at him intently, "Did you come here to play with my pet? Ahuhuhu, just kidding… What will you have?" he placed his card on the counter and put his finger on the picture of, "A spider donut coming right up." She clapped her six hands, and from the ceiling descended a dozen spiders, holding a donut in their webs. "And you, Your Majesty?"

"I'll have what he's having, extra-large if possible." Asgore said while fishing his wallet.

Muffet nodded and smiled at Frisk, "Why don't you two take a seat? It'll take a while for the king's order to be done, so I'll personally bring you anything you want from the menu if the donut isn't enough, dearie."

Frisk felt his cheeks redden at the attention, but brushed it off as her trying to be in her best behavior as the owner of the place.

So he and the king found a nice table and waited for the king's order. Meanwhile, Frisk watched the boy holding the fire girl's hand in his, and trying not to cry as he talked to her about something while standing the pain. Seeing her cheeks grow hotter while the boy tried to show her his heart filled Frisk with something… odd. It was like determination, but it felt different.

Soon Muffet arrived, skating. Frisk arched a brow as her skirt flew to show… white bloomers-like shorts beneath. Good thing, otherwise if she had been using something more revealing… He needed to stop thinking that, she was already spinning to a stop before him and the king.

With two hands she handed them a menu each, and with the others she set plates, napkins and empty coffee mugs, "Would you like some coffee? It's on the house so long as you arrive here before noon."

Asgore nodded, "Sure, I'll have mine with five sugars and lots of milk." He looked at Frisk, "How many will you have?"

Muffet giggled, "You strike me as a black coffee person, did I guess it right?" she was… far off. If he had to eat, he preferred sweet treats like her pastries. But seeing her smile, he really felt powerless.

He nodded.

With a smile, Muffet rolled around the table with the odd couple, fishing some ointment from her dress and handing it to the boy without wasting a second to stop. Once in the kitchen it didn't take her half a second to come back and pour them their coffee with a smile, "Would you like anything else, dearie?"

He kind of expected her to lick her lips… He didn't know why, he just did.

Then again, whenever she stared intently at someone, it was like she were about to eat them up.

But with Frisk, she seemed to resist the urge to creep him out.

Perhaps because she had terrified him enough when they first met.

Finally, his fingers pointed to a slice of spider pie.

Muffet giggled, "Our new dish? Oh good! I would love your honest opinion on it." she smiled wider than he had ever seen her before, and soon she was rolling into the kitchen.

Once inside… she huffed, "Ugh!" she groaned, and put her apron over her face, "Argh, could I be any more direct?! What am I trying to do?! Sit on his lap and wiggle my fangs at him?!"

A tiny black widow patted her shoulder, making her sigh, "I know, Anabelle, I have to be assertive and all but… I mean, come on, how can I make him change facial expressions without being too direct?" she fished a magazine out of her dress, glaring at it, "Keep your distance but give him space, it says… Is it some instinct female humans have and we monsters don't?"

If it wasn't obvious already, one would have to look around the kitchen to see pictures of Frisk at school, visiting the café, in a pair of swimming trunks at the beach, or at her birthday party. And she kept some in her locker too, which was beside his own. At times she wished that once, just once, he'd turn around and find the pictures, while most of her being wanted to die when just the thought crossed her mind.

She threw the magazine at a nearby trash can and kicked an oven in anger, which opened with the king's order freshly baked.

With a sigh, she picked it up and put back her business face, skating towards the duo and fully collected.

"Oh that looks wonderful, thank you, Muffet." The man said, grabbing a fork and knife to cut the donut into bite-sized bits.

"Anything for you two, Your Majesty. After all, Frisk here is a very beloved client, and he's also a hero." She mentally kicked her purple butt at how she worded that, but being a professional business spider she kept her smile like nothing happened.

Asgore nodded, "Oh, and you two go to classes together, right?"

Muffet nodded, "We share some classes so I see him often. I didn't think I'd see him here since I heard it was a free day. After hearing the news I decided to start working here all day long if possible. After all, the spiders may take good care of the clients with or without me, but…" she spun around, posing at the end, "I like to think I'm wearing a cute enough dress to attract clients."

Frisk nodded, giving her a small smile and a thumb up, making her heart flutter.

Asgore smiled, "I agree, it looks good on you. Anyway… why is Frisk such a VIP?"

Muffet put her hand to her mouth, giving a giggle while trying to conceal how her smile wobbled at such a question, "Why wouldn't he? He's adorable!" said boy blushed, but the spider was too busy averting her eyes away from him to keep herself from blushing, "He's brave, he's… he's also a hero to spiders with his donations, and… What can a girl say? He's a hero to monsters, and… kind of an ideal mate…"

She wanted to let the ground suck her in but she kept her smile and calm, teasing demeanor.

Frisk, who thought she was teasing him again, looked at his cup and tried to empty it in one go. Like every tea that Undyne made, the drink was burning so he had to turn around so she didn't see him.

"Besides…" she continued, letting go of her mouth and showing a bashful smile, "Even after everything I put him through and messing with him after that, he was still nice to me. I want to make it up to him."

Asgore nodded, "I see. Well, I couldn't be prouder."

Of course, that wasn't the only reason she liked Frisk…

(Some time ago, when monsters began to adapt into human society.)

" _Yo, spider freak!" a human boy said as she walked back home._

 _She groaned but kept moving, her five eyes closed while another called out at her, "Spider-freak! Spider-freak! Does everything an abnormal freak can!" he sang cruelly._

" _Hey, answer us, you bug!" one shouted._

 _Muffet turned around, "Spiders are arachnids, not-"_

 _And her words died in her mouth when a rock was about to smash her face in… had a small hand not caught it, "Oh crap, is that…" one of the bullies started, backing away from the small squinty eyed kid._

 _Frisk let go of the rock and stared at the bullies, one of them called out at him, "Well, it seems someone wouldn't mind kissing a spider. Good luck not dying, Frisk the Freak."_

 _The boy said nothing, he just turned to Muffet and offered her his hand._

" _Hey, say something, you freaks!" one of them cried, grabbing a stick to hit Frisk on the back of his head… and the boy simply leaned his head to one side, avoiding the blow, "What the?!"_

 _Frisk stepped away from Muffet, having the bullies leave her alone in doing so, and getting them to focus on him. One tried to kick him, but Frisk leaned back with his body bent at an unnatural angle. Another tried to throw another rock at him, but the boy spun around it like he were dancing. Finally another tried to punch him in the face, but Frisk merely tilted his head to the side, letting the bully's fist smash against a tree which caused him to yelp in pain._

 _They tried to surround the boy, until a voice froze them._

" _I knew he was training with Undyne, but this is… humerus…" that bad pun, only one person could make it._

" _Uh oh…" the bullies gulped upon seeing the short skeleton._

" _I saw a court nearby, wanna play basketball?" Sans asked, lifting his hand up. In a matter of seconds, the bullies were trapped in the basketball nets. "Well, that was a good work-out. I better take three days off to settle this score."_

 _Frisk chuckled at the bad pun as he picked the stick that would have hit his head and snapped it in half, giving his friend a thumbs up after that._

" _Don't sweat it, kid. I know you could send them flyin to their mommas and yet you 'stick' to being nice…" he smiled and his pun and walked off, "Welp, next time they try something funny, give me a call. I'll have quite some good jokes I could throw in a loop."_

 _Muffet stared at it all with wide eyes, and then Frisk came to her and smiled, finally holding her hand._

 _She was in a daze all the way to her café where Frisk guided her to._

 _To say she liked the boy after that was-_

(Back to the present: something was burning!)

"Oh dear, is that-?!" she squeaked and dashed to the kitchen, accidentally bumping into the other boy and making him fall into the fire girl, giving both blushes, "Sorry!"

She found her spiders freaking out while trying and failing to open an oven, one of them carrying a card which said, "We have a special discount on croissants just today." Before realizing her mistake and pulling another in which she wrote the next words, "Oven's stuck! Call for help!"

Muffet growled, "I should have known to buy at MTT for a proper oven and not a cheap brand." She pulled up all of her six sleeves and grabbed the lid, trying hard to pull it open.

Just as she put a foot on the oven to try to force it open, another pair of hands arrived. She watched Frisk there, also pulling with all his might.

And they pried it open… also yanking the door off its hinges.

And soon, Frisk found himself in the position that made him question his existence with Muffet on top of him, her bloomers caught on the knob of a nearby drawer, and her behind on his face.

Before anyone could say that their spider sense was tingling, Muffet got up with a squeal of embarrassment. Her purple face had turned as red as her normal outfit, and the way she pressed her apron on it clearly said she would rather die than be with Frisk. Said boy for his part wiped some blood from his nose and averted his gaze from her.

"Ugh… No!" her shout snapped him out of his daze and made him face her while she bit on her apron, "No, this isn't happening! This isn't real! Someone, end my life! Oh please, I wish I could just die! Just get on with it! Someone! Anyone! I… I… A… Ahu… Ahuhuhu…" her sobs came out in a sad version of her laugh.

Frisk stared at what happened the commotion, a pie, and then back at the crying spider girl whose tears stained her apron.

Muffet's sobs stopped at the sound of something being crushed, she saw Frisk filled with enough determination to eat the burnt pie she intended to give him. Once he finished the first slice, he gave her a thumb up and a smile, saying he enjoyed it.

Her cheeks flared again, but a small smile crossed her lips, "I see… I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if-" she couldn't remember what she wanted to say when Frisk grabbed her face and gently kissed her forehead above her top eye. "F-Frisk…" she hated how meek she sounded.

He smiled, and she could swear his eyes turned hungry, and before she knew it, he was taking off her dress quickly while her six hands ripped off his clothes and-

"Mom! Dad!"

Frisk, now an adult with longer hair, a more athletic body with some muscle marking his skin, and a groggy look on his face woke up from his shared dream with his wife. Said wife mumbled something, for she was dreaming of how she and her husband started to become closer, and at the end the memory mixed with their honeymoon.

At a door Muffet could see a tiny girl carrying a large muffin-shaped spider in her six strong arms. Now grown up, Muffet's body was… quite a sight. Curvaceous child-bearing hips, a bust that she loved to smother her husband's face in until it disappeared in the purple pillows, and a tiny waist typical of few blessed spiders. She had her hair out of its usual pigtails, and still kept it short.

Rubbing her five eyes with her two upper right hands, she spoke to the kid, "Charlotte… What's up, my little muffin?"

The girl walked in, just as her father turned on the light to show her in her pink gown which made her purple skin stand out even better. She was holding her and her mother's pet – Frisk would prefer to be as far away from the giant muffin spider as possible even to this day. Muffet picked her child up, letting the spider muffin crawl away, and rubbed her child's hair. It was a short mop of brown hair, like her father's, but Muffet loved to tie a little ponytail on the left side of her daughter's head.

Frisk stared into two pitch black eyes, almost doll-like orbs of pure blackness that were more narrowed than her mother's, showing along the hair who her father was. Though she didn't have eyebrows, just two normal spider eyes.

Rubbing the sand off his eyes, the young ambassador patted his child's back to sooth her, pulling her and his wife into a warm hug.

"I… I had a bad dream." Tiny five year old Charlotte admitted, "Uncle Sans was fighting someone that looked like Dad but much smaller. He wasn't Dad, he was mean and… and… And he hurt you, Mom. He turned you into dust. Dad couldn't save you that time, he could only put a flower over your dust… And… And when… When Uncle Sans didn't win… Dad fought and…"

"It's ok, it's ok…" Muffet whispered to her kid, using her six limbs to rub her back, run some fingers on her hair, and do her best to sooth her, "You know your dad is stronger than he looks. And I'm here, aren't I? There's no way I'm letting you go."

Charlotte hugged her parents closer, "C-Can I sleep here?"

Frisk nodded and placed a gentle kiss on the girl's head, before sharing a brief lip lock with his wife.

He held her close and told her something.

It wouldn't matter what happened, he and Muffet would forever be filled to determination because of her.

In a few moments, the girl slept peacefully while her parents made sure to keep her warm and safe.

Muffet smiled, to think her webs would catch her not prey but a good man.

Maybe she'd replay the day they met for roleplay that weekend.


	2. Great detective Papyrus

I OWN NOTHING

I'll take away any and all pretense and admit that, yes, I, The Swordslinger, am and have always been attracted to odd monster girls. Blame Morrigan Aensland and Felicia from Darkstalkers for that.

This chapter will be much shorter than the previous one, but these are one-shots, length will vary.

 **XXXXXX**

While not a violent person by nature, Frisk knew how to defend himself. His opponent should have known that as the tiny brunet's hands moved in a blur and delivered vicious punches to their form. With a final upper-cut it was all over, Frisk watched his enemy fall down, beaten and unable to get up ever again. And he just waited for the inevitable conclusion to happen after knowing what he had done.

A loud voice called out at him, "You win!" The voice was firmly heard even through the sound of people in the mall the arcade was in.

Frisk smiled at the screen where a blond man in red karate duds was cheering after beating a very voluptuous woman in a blue Chinese outfit.

"I demand a rematch!" Undyne shouted, slamming her fist on the floor so hard that the arcade machines around them bounced up an inch.

The staff would have called out at her, but considering how strong she was they wisely gave her some space. At least Frisk managed to calm her down with pats on the back.

"I don't want your pity, Frisk! I won't give up until I manage to defeat your freaking fiery punches!" she said while trying to fish more quarters, pausing a moment later, "Uh… do you have any money?"

He shook his head no, emptying his own to show his cell-phone – which he remembered he had to get more jetpack fuel for from Alphys – and saw the fish woman's smile drop.

"Well, this sucks." She grumbled, "Ok then, what do you want to do then? I won't settle for anything that won't let me compete, though."

He folded his arms and moved his body into a thinking pose. It made Undyne resist the urge to tap her foot impatiently for an answer. She could be calm, if only someone were there to keep her in line, i.e. Frisk and Alphys. Speaking of the yellow lizard woman, she just arrived looking positively ecstatic.

"Guys, I managed to get a complete collection of the Fatal Fury games!" she said, holding it up while now sporting a red and white baseball hat, with the words "Fatal Fury" written in red fire on the white forehead.

Undyne cheered, "Alright! After seeing the OVAs, I am so picking Terry to beat Frisk with him! If he's that strong as a human, I must win this!"

The boy stared at her blankly, frankly he would have preferred to play as Terry since he liked him as a character.

He was about to remark something, until someone actually kneeled before him, holding his hands in a very awkward pose. It was a familiar schoolboy in a black Japanese uniform, holding his hands with small tears in his eyes. Frisk certainly didn't like how it looked, Alphys blushing face said there'd be many wrong ideas.

"Y-You're Frisk, right!?" the schoolboy asked, "I need your help, ok? You're like… like a monster encyclopedia, right? What I'm about to tell you better be between us, ok?"

And he was quickly picked up by Undyne, and met her spear inches from his face.

"You have three seconds to tell me what you plan to do with Frisk, and you've lost two." She said with her ever menacing bloodthirsty smile.

"I..." he squeaked.

"Undyne, please calm down! He wanted help!" Alphys shouted at her girlfriend.

It took her a moment, but the eye-patch wearing fish woman chuckled, "Oh… Sorry, I kinda didn't hear him. I thought he was attacking Frisk."

She let him go, "Thanks… I guess." The boy said. He had short black and messy hair, and glasses.

"Just make it quick, Frisk and I have a score to settle." Undyne said, towering threateningly over the human teen.

The boy gulped and turned to the squinty eyed child, "R-Right. See, I… I…" he started to sweat, "I like… a monster girl."

Now Frisk remembered him, he was the one dating the green fire girl some time ago when he and Muffet… He really needed to not think on the details regarding the kitchen incident there and then. Here and now, this boy wanted help, possibly in dating Fukufire, the cute girl made of green flames.

"You're close to monsters, and her friend told me that monsters like them communicate better through magic, or express themselves…" he was blushing a lot, "H-How… do you do that?"

Frisk shrugged.

"Wait, you don't even know?!" the boy looked absolutely destroyed.

Alphys walked forward, "A-A-Actually…" she stammered, wanting so badly to help the boy but he was still a stranger, "Monsters, uh… Are made of magic, mostly. To g-get close to one and express yourself with magic is… kind of impossible for you…" she offered a bashful smile.

Frisk knew it was true. He could touch monsters – he did touch more than he thought he'd ever touch with Muffet – and yet he couldn't say he connected as deep as they could without magic.

It was… admittedly frustrating to him. He did want to be more expressive towards his friends and family in a way they knew to bond more, but…

"B-B-But…" Alphys started, now getting the boys' full attention, "Even if you humans are mostly water, you d-don't need magic to… to express yourselves. I mean… Uh… Why not… take her to a nice place like the garbage dump?"

"Yeah, best place to meet monster chicks!" Undyne laughed, her smile splitting her face more than usual.

The schoolboy turned to Frisk, whispering, "Are they pulling my leg?" the smaller child shook his head, "Oh… Ok then. I guess I can try that…"

Frisk remembered that Fukufire's friend liked to skate, so he grabbed the boy by his sleeves and aimed him to a certain direction.

Sure enough, there she was watching her friend walking into a shop for spare parts. Being made of fire, the green schoolgirl had to wait outside.

The schoolboy started to back away, but Frisk gave him a gentle slap on the back, making him yelp but also swallow hard before he moved forward.

But something odd happened as Frisk watched him go and talk to Fukufire.

Undyne and Alphys took notice as they left the mall, finding Papyrus in his red sports car. Even the skeleton, after sharing his spaghetti with the world, had time to see the boy's demeanor.

"Frisk, what is the matter?" the tall skeleton asked after he parked, waiting for Undyne and Alphys to put their purchases in the trunk.

The boy merely shrugged.

"Hmm, I can't return you to the queen like this!" he said, letting his pride and concern merge together into care for his friend, "What is the trouble that I, the Great Papyrus, shall deal with to return your usually stoic face into its more smiling visage?!"

Frisk shrugged again.

"Well, this is a dilemma! But! BUT! The Great Papyrus never gives up until his friends are all satisfied! That's why he made many friends in the first Spaghetti Day after feeding hundreds of people! I shall look into this and find what keeps my dearest friend from being the person I actually considered going out with!"

Seeing Papyrus do his thing did bring a smile to anyone, even to Frisk's usually inexpressive face. One could see a small smile grow whenever the skeleton got passionate about something.

Undyne sighed as she let herself fall on the backseat beside Alphys, "Kid looked a bit bummed out when another boy asked him for advice on a date."

"Oh-hoh! My first clue!" Papyrus cheered.

Undyne tried to recall more, "Kid wanted to know how to date monsters."

"Ah, a second clue! Keep them coming, Undyne!" the skeleton was actually taking notes.

The fish warrior tried to recall more, but couldn't. Luckily, Alphys did have a good memory, "Frisk looked a bit sad when I said humans can't express themselves through magic…" she looked away from the boy at the front seat, feeling like she had betrayed him by saying that. Of course she didn't, but to talk about anything bad about her friends still worried the lizard scientist.

"And now the third and final clue! Well done, Dr. Alphys! With this, the Great Papyrus, can safely declare one thing!"

Undyne leaned forward, her head near the car's mirror, "Out with it then!"

"Patience! These exclamations of the truth must come up with suspense!" Papyrus stated, before aiming a finger at the human in the car, "Frisk wants to express himself to a monster… because he still hasn't got over our date!"

Undyne, Alphys and Frisk remained silent while only the wind managed to stop the silence from buzzing into one's ears.

"What, is that not it?" Papyrus finally asked after getting some blank stares.

And then, someone brought another answer, "Uh… N-Not to be rude, but… I think… I mean, I saw… I mean, I… I…" Alphys blushed a lot, poking her fingers together, "I may have tried to… keep up with Frisk and… maybe, just maybe, made a teensy mistake and… looked too much into something… and perhaps, somehow… saw him… staring at Muffet?"

Her nervous smile didn't make things any easier to digest.

The other two monsters turned to Frisk, and gaped when they saw him blush.

"Oh my god!" Papyrus and Undyne cheered, large smiles on their faces.

The large skeleton grabbed his friend, "Wowie! I can't believe it, my friend finally settled for second best! No, that's mean, they settled for someone that's better for them than even me!"

"Hah! If you date her, I'll make sure to give you tips on how to make you have a great time! Fuhuhuhu! I can't believe how much my little nerd's grown!" Undyne taunted.

Alphys tilted her head in confusion, "I-I thought I was your little nerd."

"You are but you're also my girlfriend, but Frisk is the other little nerd." she said proudly.

"Oh." Alphys' skin turned red enough to make apples look pale.

Frisk sighed and pulled his hood over his face, groaning.

And wouldn't you know it, years later he'd be where he was.

"Argh, how do you do that?!" Undyne shouted as she threw her controller to the floor of Frisk's living room while Charlotte giggled at her latest win.

Alphys adjusted her glasses, "That's twenty to zero in Charlotte's favor."

"Frisk, tell your daughter to not be this good at games!" the angry fish shouted.

Muffet giggled, hugging her husband from behind and resting her chin on top of his head. She was still taller than him, and now by a head.

"Ahuhuhu... Like father, like daughter, right?"

Frisk just wished the little spider girl wouldn't be like her mother in how to get men all... wrapped up.

Ok, he seriously needed to hang out more with Sans to get some jokes out of his system.


	3. One Pun, One Beach

I OWN NOTHING

Sorry for not updating much these days, I've been busy and big changes are coming to my life. However, having my friends here to talk to fills me with determination to keep moving forward.

Warning: I'm doing a little crossover for this chapter only.

 **XXXXXX**

"Are you sure you like him?"

A simple and horrible question, to be certain.

"Aren't you just enraptured by the concept of having feelings for someone else?"

Was it true? Was she just…

"Do you think that your affection will get you anywhere?"

Could it have been all a cruel lie, and her heart was just wrong?

Muffet moved a hand to her quivering mouth… and munched on the popcorn she had been eating with gusto since she came back from school and promptly sat on her couch to watch some TV.

"She likes him, duh." She told the screen where a creepy stalker girl was harassing a cutesy cheerleader who had a big crush on a dorky but loveable nerd that did his best to make her happy, "Don't listen to the creep, dearie. She just wants him all to herself. He did stand for you, after all."

One of her spiders arrived with some refreshments, which she thanked with a smile and a laugh.

It was good to be at home after classes. She did see bullies from time to time on her trip to the bakery, which doubled as her house. Luckily there had been no other incidents. Luckily or perhaps mostly thanks to Frisk. If the kid befriended you, he'd go out of his way to make sure you remained happy. Even some of the bullies that had treated her badly had slowly but surely started to become friends because of him.

And if someone tried to fight him, they could try. The boy was a natural at dodging any kind of strike, a true pacifist at heart he didn't let himself get killed while he avoided hurting others.

And… why was she thinking of him when seeing her new soap opera?

Her spider noticed the shift in her mood and produced a card with "Are you all right?" written all over it.

"I think so." The spider girl said, running a hand over her fangs thoughtfully, "I just don't know. It feels like I can do a lot, and I know I have all the time in the world to do it, but… I just don't feel like it."

One of the spiders on the ceiling excused itself as it lowered a clock in its web string to signal what time it was. With a sigh, Muffet got up, turned off her TV, and quickly changed out of her usual red puffy clothes and into her maid outfit.

Once at the counter, something was really, really wrong, and she knew it for one reason and one reason only, "Why does it smell like sushi?"

And at the door was her answer, walking in with the smell of chips, noodles, and dust coming from another individual. Undyne was in her good clothes, which consisted of her clean jeans accompanied by a white top with her black biker jacket, but her hair and eye-patch remained the same. Alphys was already at the counter, eyeing the options while the fish warrior looked around for something.

It was when five pitch black eyes met a single yellow one that a toothy yellow grin came out from the fish woman's lips, "Yo, Undyne!" said a small boy, a monster at that. Muffet didn't recognize him, it was an armless lizard boy monster with spikes running up and down his back, a tail, and no sleeves for his striped shirt.

"Hey, stay still, kiddo. You tagged along on your own, so don't blame me if you fall on your face." Undyne said slightly sternly, but there was clear concern.

"So this is where Frisk likes to eat, huh? Yo, it smells good." Oh, now the spider could recognize him… He was the monster kid that hanged out with Frisk. Sadly, Muffet didn't know his name, only Frisk seemed to know it, but said boy was mute so getting the name out of him would be like getting an ocean out of a grain of salt, it didn't make sense no matter what alternate dimension you came from.

She kept her best smile in place, as always, "Welcome. What would you like to order?"

"I'll have the Spider Donut combo with a chocolate shake." Undyne said before turning to Alphys.

"I'll have the Special Spider Cookie with golden flower soda." She said, giving one of her usual awkward grins.

"Yo, you're Muffet, right?!" the lizard boy said and put his tail in one of his pockets, pulling a card out, "Frisk asked me to give you this."

Muffet blinked, "Why wouldn't he…" she slowly stopped when seeing it was a note with an order for more of her pie and an address.

Undyne ran her hand over her ponytail, "Kid's busy at the moment doing his job. I wanted to see what was so special about this place and before we could come here duty called."

"And he wants me to deliver pie to him?" Muffet asked, "In the middle of his duties as an ambassador?"

"Yo, he really likes the stuff. I've seen him draw that pie on his notebooks with a hungry look on his face at school." The monster boy said, "So if he likes it that much, I also want to try it and… Yo?"

Muffet wasn't listening. A big picture was in her mind: politicians, big pockets, hungry bellies… and Frisk.

The monster boy waved his foot in front of her face, "Yo!" he called out a bit louder. And jumped back when her four lower eyes turned into gold coins! Creepily enough, her top middle eye turned into a burning ruby which glinted in the sun with desire for wealth.

Before one could call Speedy Gonzalez for a copyright trial, Muffet had dashed so fast past the two lizards and the fish towards her destination with the order ready their brains barely registered. The boy blinked and waved a foot at what he thought was the spider girl. The idea of earning big coins had given her enough of a boost to leave an afterimage.

"I don't know whether that was cool or scary." Undyne stated flatly before looking at the spiders around her, "Hey, what about our grub?"

While her spiders were busy serving the trio, Muffet was swirling around bystanders in her maid outfit with a paper bag in hand. In it was Frisk's pie, and in her other five hands she had plenty of samples to give to any possible costumers. She had quite some plans to get them to enjoy her cooking, whether they liked it or not.

A certain flexing sea horse monster was flexing in her way, "Well, look who it is!" he said, winking her way.

Muffet quickly jumped over the overly muscular Aaron, over some sets of weights, and kept skating through the streets to her destination, the beach.

Clear water, mildly cloudy skies that helped to cool off the heat of the sun, and warm sand were there to greet her. If she had free time, she wouldn't have minded to show off her one-piece red swimsuit with cute frills. But she was a business spider, and she couldn't allow herself such foolish whims when she had a job to do, and someone to meet.

Unfortunately, she forgot a very important thing about beaches. They often had roads for skating, but no matter how good your rollerblades were, you'd never be able to roll on sand.

"Oh dear…" she gasped when her wheels finally hit the sand, and with the momentum her body was thrown up. One would expect either the typical comedic meeting between the hard surface of the ground and one's face or, if they were lovers of romance, for a strong pair of arms to hold her, or to have her fall on someone.

Without losing her time pondering on how much pain she'd be in, Muffet threw her hands around and six strong webs nailed their targets: palm trees, lamp posts, and sturdy umbrellas. With her eyes up towards her pastry, she moved her hands at blinding speeds, blurry after-images of her skilled digits moved back and forth in the threads she made, gluing them together.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Muffet mentally patted her back when all of the pastries landed safely on her web… except, there was a bag missing.

The sound of crinkling paper gave away the culprit of the disappearance, "Hey, hands off… Frisk?"

Said boy was only wearing a pair of blue swimming trunks with two purple lines going from each hip to the bottom. On top of that he had a white t-shirt with the words "COOL FRIEND" written beautifully over it in red, clearly a gift from a certain lanky skeleton.

Upon seeing her, the boy smiled and waved before walking to a bench, which he patted for her to sit down. She did just that with a smile, "Sorry for yelling, dearie. However, I didn't expect you to dress like that for when duty calls."

He looked at his outfit, then at her, and finally forward where he pointed at a very odd man… and odd didn't begin to describe him. He was clad in a yellow onesie, had red boots and gloves, a white cape, and a completely bald head with a face as lively as that of a fish out of water.

"Sorry about that, kid." The bald man said, his voice unenthusiastic, almost bored as he waved at the brunet before noticing the spider, "Huh, so this is one of those friendly monsters I've heard about…? She at least doesn't try to beat people up."

Both kids cringed at the memory of their first meeting, making the bald man arch a brow.

"Uh… She's reformed, right?" he didn't know what to say or do. The spider seemed nice but at the same time the way they reacted to his words said a fight happened and they'd rather not talk about it.

"I was a bit hasty in judging Frisk and… Oh, my apologies. My name is Muffet, owner of the Spider Café and an acquaintance of Frisk's."

The bald man nodded, "Nice to meet ya. Name's Saitama. I'm a hero for fun."

As he said that, a giant crab, as in a red animal usually considered a delicacy for seafood lovers, dug out of the ground and towered easily over any other monster Muffet had seen. Her jaw fell limply to the floor when the enormous crustacean, easily as tall as a twenty stories high building, raised a claw to try to smash Saitama with it… and the man didn't flinch.

"…" she couldn't get a word out, her mouth remained open, until Frisk politely closed it by pushing her chin up.

"Sorry, it seems we still have work to do." Saitama said as he backhanded the claw with a casual wave of his arm.

Muffet's five eyes twitched when the armored limb, as big as a bus at the very least, exploded into smithereens.

She knew the monster was pretty much dead, but before Saitama could deliver another strike, Frisk pulled his cape, "Uh, what is it?" he asked, a bit confused about the action but showing no concern, like someone were asking him for a glass of water at the office.

The crab turned towards the boy, who was holding the samples Muffet planned to bring for whatever politician could be around… and sat on the sand, putting them on display for the giant monster.

She had to rub her five eyes when Saitama did the same, staring with some actual enthusiasm at one of her donuts, "A Spider Donut, huh? It's kind of rubbery but smells like sweet cobwebs… Man, I'm thinking of cotton candy now." He bit on it with gusto, actually enjoying the taste.

Muffet could only stare at what was going on while Frisk, the hero, and the monster enjoyed the pastries.

Said crab made some noises at the hero, to which Frisk nodded before making some hand motions to Saitama, "But he started it." the hero retorted lazily. Frisk stared intently at the bald man, "Sigh… Ok, ok…" he finally turned to the crab, "Sorry about your arm. Are we cool?"

The crab nodded its head but turned his gaze away, like Tsunderplane turning her nose away from someone she may like.

Muffet stared at it all, still in quite the shock, "How did he do it?" She looked at him, making friends so easily. If she had to be honest, she did envy that of him, but she also... ' _Someone who gives kindness without needing a reason, that is someone anyone can follow, just like they can follow someone strong beyond having mere power._ '

She was snapped out of her thoughts when Frisk waved for her to come.

Well, even business spiders could take some liberties.

Liberties like the one that had them enjoying a good life, "Aha! The Great Papyrus is victorious once again!"

Seeing the tall skeleton give his surrogate niece a piggyback ride did make the mother of said child smile.

Sans chuckled while everyone enjoyed the picnic at the park, "Yeah, I guess she likes to ride your shoulders more." He had actually told Charlotte to ask Papyrus for a piggyback ride when the skeleton wondered who was the best uncle. That also meant the lazy skeleton wouldn't have to carry a child, and thus he could be making some hotdogs.

"Can I go next, Papyrus?" Asgore asked the tall skeleton, looking bashful.

"Only if you're careful with my granddaughter, Asgore." Toriel said, feeling pride at calling the little hybrid girl that.

Off to the side, Frisk was talking with a lanky armless lizard man in black dress pants and a sleeveless button up shirt and coat complete with a tie. The now grown monster kid grinned from ear to ear to his friend, "Yo, enjoy your picnic, I can take care of business for you. I'm your friend for a reason, aren't I?" he raised his foot for a high-five, which Frisk, currently in a pair of khaki pants and a blue Hawaiian shirt, replied by slapping his palm on said shoe.

With his friend taking care of his duties so he could enjoy a day with his family, the young ambassador felt more at ease. Muffet, now in a casual red blouse and black jeans, giggled, "Remember me to put more effort into his Christmas present for this."

Her husband smiled and gave her a quick peck on the lips, though he needed to be on his toes to break the distance.

"Ew…" tiny Charlotte said from on top of her ride.

The lanky skeleton nodded, "I agree, dearest niece. It is quite a disturbing sight…" he glared at the source of his ire, "Sans, these hotdogs are oozing grease. Couldn't you at least clean them up before serving them?"

"But bro, I thought that you may like them." Sans said, "Since… dogs love bones!"

Papyrus's scream of "SANS!" echoed to the skies while the small spider girl, her father, and her grandmother figure all chuckled at the joke. Muffet and Asgore for their part resisted the urge to sigh.


	4. Wonderful time

I OWN NOTHING

Well, it is the season of giving. What better to give you all than a chapter related to this holiday, the original character I created, and the odd family Frisk now has?

 **XXXXXX**

A good advantage of having six arms, aside from using them to "secure" your husband to the bed with rope for his birthday, anniversaries, and other good days where schedules weren't a pain, was efficiency. Muffet prided herself in her arms and what they could do, and Frisk couldn't complain about it when his wife started to pack their things in record time.

"Passports, change of clothes, toothbrushes, cologne, your new tie, and a few flyers for my bakery…" the adult Muffet told her still smaller husband. Frisk looked a bit uncomfortable at wearing a black business suit with a purple dress shirt and pink tie with his purple skinned wife currently helping him tie his hair into a fancy ponytail while he adjusted his tie.

He helped her close their suitcases and examined her, smoothly zipping up her new black backless sleeveless dress, the one kind she could use best given her amount of limbs. As he did, she felt tempted to turn around and ask how she looked with some emphasis on her chest, but decided not to given the time. Last time she did… well, maybe when they were at their hotel…

"Are you two ready?" Toriel asked from downstairs.

The two finally walked to their house door and looked at Frisk's goat mom. Toriel was joined by Frisk's skeleton brother figures, his personal trainer/bodyguard, said trainer/bodyguard's girlfriend, a retired king, and their daughter hugging her pet spider muffin with a sad pout. Four of Charlotte's hands held Muffet's old pet, while two hugged Toriel's leg.

"Why do you have to go, Mommy?" the two-eyed spider asked her five-eyed mother.

Muffet sighed, "Because Daddy has to save Christmas."

Charlotte's pitch black eyes widened in surprise, "Really? Is he going to help Santa?"

Muffet giggled, "Ahuhu… something like that. He has to help people and monsters enjoy the holidays, and Mommy just happens to have to open a new bakery where he'll be at."

Charlotte smiled, showing her tiny fangs, "Will you also see reindeers, bring kids cool presents, and meet Santa?"

Frisk gave his daughter a thumb up and a smile, making her cheer.

"Grandma will take care of you, though." Toriel said, patting her granddaughter's head kindly before turning to her son, "We'll wait for you two to come back and prepare everything for Christmas dinner."

Papyrus cackled, "Not to mention we shall set the decorations and make sure my great niece enjoys this magical season as humans do in those wonderful movies!"

Sans chuckled, "I'll provide plenty of breaks when the fun becomes too non-stop."

Undyne beamed, "And I'll prepare dinner!"

Alphys sweated nervously, "Oh… wouldn't we b-be better helping decorate the house?" luckily for the yellow woman, her words made her lover change her mind, meaning no food poisoning for the holidays.

Asgore smiled warmly, "There's nothing to worry about, you two. I was a father once, so there's nothing I won't do to keep Charlotte safe."

Frisk nodded and turned to the door, pulling his and Muffet's suitcases while a taxi to the airport finally parked before his house. It was snowing outside, but at least the purple woman could stand it.

Muffet, however… "I see you all have great plans." She said with a small smile, kneeling down to kiss her daughter's forehead, "Hey, my little sweetie, why don't you kiss Daddy goodbye? It'll be a while before you see him or Mommy again, right?"

Charlotte didn't need to hear her twice before rushing to her father with a fanged smile, to which Papyrus smiled, "Wowie, she sure has Frisk's energy! Perhaps Undyne and I should take her to train with us sometime!"

The fish woman smirked, "Of course! I ain't letting no kid of Frisk grow a wimpy los-"

"Listen carefully, all of you." Muffet's deadly cold voice made everyone go mute, "That's my daughter I'm leaving here, the child I carried nine months in my womb with love, care, worry, and pain with Frisk at my side. That's the wonderful girl I've watched grow along the man I love bringing nothing but joy to my life… We spiders may not stand cold, but if anything happens to Charlotte then it won't matter how much Frisk said you'd have things under control, or how much he may love you… I will make you Christmas dinner…"

With that said, her daughter returned, "Mommy, Daddy told me to give you a goodbye kiss, too!"

Muffet giggled as she and her daughter wrapped their six arms around the other, "Oh, did he? How considerate of him! Now be a good girl and obey your grandparents and uncles, ok? And if anything bad happens don't doubt to call me, all right?"

"Of course, Mommy." Charlotte giggled before placing her lips on her mother's cheek and returning to her odd family's side.

"Good girl, ahuhuhu…" Muffet giggled as she put on a warm white coat of fake fur with six sleeves.

When the six-armed mother left, there was a collective gulp from everyone but two people. One of them was Charlotte, who wondered why nearly everyone made that odd noise, and the other was Papyrus, "Isn't it a bit weird that she said she'd make us dinner? Oh, do you think she'll bring exotic ingredients back with her?"

His enthusiastic question made Sans sigh, "Bro, I don't think you'd like to know what she'll use as ingredients."

Papyrus went a bit slack-jawed, "Why, is it a secret recipe not even the coolest of skeletons can know about?"

Sans tried hard not to snicker in a truly strange mixture of amusement and fear, "…something like that…"

Charlotte cutely tilted her head to the side, so a nervous Toriel grabbed one of her many hands, "Come here, my child. I believe you wanted to follow in your mother's footsteps, right?"

Charlotte nodded enthusiastically, "I want to be a chef! And I want to make the best desserts ever for big, fancy restaurants!"

Toriel smiled brighter than ever, "Then how about we start with the basics? How does Grandma Toriel's cookies sound?"

The tiny child almost glowed with joy, "Really?! Yay! You're the best, grandma!"

Toriel laughed while she took the spider girl into the kitchen, leaving the others to plan Christmas.

Sans was the first to speak, "Well, I think I'll go see if the weather isn't bothering the signals by watching some TV. Anything you need?"

Undyne crossed her arms under her breasts as she spoke, "Do you want to be ground into a fine flour?! You will get off the couch and do something already, dammit!"

"Undyne!" Toriel's harsh voice came from the kitchen. Luckily, she had been fast enough to cover a puzzled Charlotte's ears with her hands while the tiny girl mixed the ingredients in a bowl.

"S-Sorry…" the fish woman mumbled before turning to the lazy skeleton, "Your powers can at least help us decorate this place, so put some effort into it!"

Sans shrugged but did so in an affirmative manner with a nod, which Papyrus took as his cue to speak, "Then I, the Great Papyrus, shall bring the ingredients for our future feast! After all, none other than me can find the most valuable, rarest, and thought-impossible-to-exist delights hidden in the treacherous aisles of a mall!"

Alphys nodded, "I also have a list for stuff to help the decorations, and… well… I have a… small surprise…" she smiled nervously at the end.

Undyne grinned, "I'll get the tree and help Sans decorate this place. What about you, Your Majesty?"

Asgore couldn't hold back the bright smile that took over his face, "I got my outfit and all the presents ready. Tori… I mean, Toriel will keep Charlotte busy, meaning there'll be plenty of time for me to play Santa." He then took a small list from his pocket, "And there's the ice skating, the skiing, the snowball fights, and-"

"Wait, what?!" Toriel seemingly teleported to the other goat monster with a glare, "Snowball… what?" she growled.

The poor bearded monster could only tremble, smile, and laugh sheepishly as he tried to form words, "I'll, uh, scratch it from the list."

And the woman was back in the kitchen in a heartbeat, making Papyrus inquire, "So… what about snow angels?"

While the cookies were left in the oven with fire magic from Toriel heating them up, little Charlotte was out in the snow, covered from head to toes in warm clothes, with the now grandfatherly figure of Asgore. She was wearing a costume made six-sleeved blue hoodie a certain lazy bones put effort into making, and a dashing red scarf from the always well-meaning brother.

The girl and the goat monarch were making a snowman using a strange piece of snow that Frisk asked them to use and then to return to the freezer if the snow ever started to melt.

"Daddy always takes this with him on his trips, why would he leave it behind?" Charlotte asked.

"Because of me." Said the snowman, making the girl gasp, "Oh sorry, didn't mean to scare you! I've traveled so much around the world with your dad I couldn't wait to actually settle in a place like this and enjoy a normal Christmas!" he recalled how as a small boy Frisk kept a piece of him with him, and now that piece was a part of a new snowman. "I can't thank you two enough for making me! I feel like a new snowman!"

Charlotte giggled slightly, "Uee hee hee… I made a cool man!"

Inside the house, levitating a few decorations in place, Sans lifted his head while Papyrus finally got everything that was needed written in a list, "What is it, brother? Did you spot something unusual?"

The smaller skeleton chuckled, "Nah, I think Frisk's making me proud with his genes."

The lanky skeleton leaned his head to the side before walking off, "That's perhaps the oddest pun you ever told me."

"Oh, to tell it simply… I know someone made a cool pun outside."

It took two seconds for Papyrus to get the joke, "Sans!"

As Charlotte watched her uncle figures being their wacky selves, she also watched her aunt figure Undyne walk by with an axe slung over her shoulder, "Where are you going, auntie?"

"To get us the coolest tree this side of the cosmos!" the red haired woman declared proudly with a fist shaking up to the skies, "Wanna join me?"

Asgore chuckled awkwardly, for in his and the others' minds images of poor Charlotte traveling through a dense and dangerous forests to get a tree appeared, so he spoke softly to his former captain, "Actually, Papyrus was thinking of taking her to the mall."

"Was I?" said skeleton echoed before pondering, "Such an idea to spend time with my niece is just so genius… that it both hit my mind and disappeared from it like a puzzle fit for I, the Great Papyrus?! How can the mind of one be such a powerful tool for good and amazing puzzling thoughts?!"

"I… I think you overloaded him, sir…" Alphys whispered to the king.

Undyne seemed satisfied with the answer if the casual shrug of her shoulders she gave was any indication, and thus she left to find a tree fitting for the holiday.

Sans got out of the house, hands in his hoodie's pockets, "I'll go with them. As great as Toriel's cooking may be, I guess you'd also like something more snack-related." He told the bearded goat and the lizard woman.

They nodded and soon the skeletons and the spider were in Papyrus' sports car, driving through the snowy road with little problem. Thankfully, the car was a convertible so Charlotte didn't have to bother about getting cold on the trip. Sadly for her, she didn't get to go on the passenger's seat since she was still a child.

Once at the mall, Papyrus dashed forward, "Come brother, little niece! There's shopping to do!" he charged through the crowd of people doing some late Christmas shopping, but thankfully no one appeared to be in a hurry. They did give the tall skeleton weirded out looks for his antics.

Sans followed his brother via shortcut with Charlotte following him. The tiny girl wondered if they were going back to the car… but suddenly they were side by side with Papyrus who had already gotten some items. Unsurprisingly, he had first gotten all the pasta he wanted.

Charlotte turned her head to the blue skeleton, "Dunkle Sans, why is Uncle Papyrus always so happy when he's around pasta?"

Sans chuckled. Dunkle was a nickname that came from him playing basketball with a few boys that tried to take Charlotte's candy when she was little. The bullies were the basketballs, of course. Frisk managed to avoid any fights with the parents, and Muffet had the kids and their parents apologizing… with whatever methods she did that was best unknown.

"How can I not be with these fancy little bow ties and swirly screws?! Humans are always so fascinating, especially when it comes to just cooking!" the tall skeleton cheered.

"Oh, ok…" she said slowly, trying to understand it in her own way.

Sans rubbed her head, "Don't think too much about it, kiddo. Just like and dislike what you want, and never be mean about it."

They picked everything they wanted, with Sans levitating some bags of chips and other junk food towards them, and soon they were paying.

A bored looking teen stood at the register, scanning the merchandise before giving them a half-curious glance, "May I suggest you put in an extra five dollars for a coupon at the ice stage? It'll be a cool experience." He said in a monotone, putting on a forced smile which reminded the brothers of a certain burger-serving cat that worked for a certain entertainment robot.

Speak of the devil, "Oh my! Charlotte, darling!" The trio turned to see the metallic man walk to them with a casual stride, "I haven't seen you or Frisk in forever! How's he doing?"

Sans would've arched a brow had he one, "Mettaton? What're ya doing here?"

"Just bringing some of my newest products around!" the robot said, and sure enough there was a camera crew setting things behind him, "It's a little commercial to sell MTT's newest Christmas dinner set! Why wait in line to eat your favorite steak shaped in the face of yours truly in his first robot form when you can make your own with the newest MTT utensils!"

"Oh…" went Charlotte, clearly intrigued.

"That's it and yet not the full package, darling!" Mettaton said before putting a box in her hand, "Merry Christmas! It's on me! Say hi to your father for me! Toodles!"

And with a turn of his heel and a skip on his step the robot was gone.

Sans and Papyrus stared at the distance, the latter speaking, "What just happened, brother?"

Sans gathered his thoughts for a proper answer, "I think we've been victims to marketing."

"Do you want your coupon or not?" the clerk asked without blinking.

A bit later, Papyrus was helping Charlotte put on ice skates after he had put on his, "Remember, dearest niece, this shall be our little secret."

Charlotte nodded, "I did want to go ice skating, but grandma seemed really worried. So don't worry, Uncle Papyrus, I won't tell."

The large skeleton beamed as he guided his niece to the ice and started to slide on it with her following him, three of her hands clasping each of his for support.

Sans sat at a bench, looking at the ice stage in the middle of the mall with a good bottle of ketchup in hand, "Charlotte gets her wish and I can sit down and relax? Wow, this really is a magical time of the year."

"Oh Sans…" said a soft voice beside the skeleton, who turned to see a familiar man near his daughter, both unable to go into the ice stage because… well, it was made of fire.

"Grillby, that you?" the skeleton asked after taking a sip of the red sauce.

"It has been a while, hasn't it?" the fire man replied. By his side was Fukufire, now clad in a white double-breasted coat and black pants, even if she didn't need them for the weather since she never got cold, "Here for Christmas shopping?"

Sans nodded with a smile, "And to take care of the little rascal. You spending time with your daughter now?"

"And them." Grillby said with a finger aimed at the ice stage.

In it was a spectacled man in a black winter jacket and matching pants, skating with a small boy around Charlotte's age or perhaps a year older. The boy was human in everything with a round face and blue winter clothes, but one thing made him different… his hair was made of fire, blue fire.

Sans nearly choked on his drink, "Hold the phone and the mayo! You are a grandfather now?!"

Grillby nodded, "Time does fly, doesn't it?"

Sans stared at the boy and his human father guiding him through the place, both skating near Papyrus and Charlotte, making Fukufire smile, "It does… But that's what makes it worth it when you find little things like these to love."

Sans grinned, "Can't argue with that…" he looked at the kids having fun, and for a moment his right eye glowed a peaceful green. Unlike any other time his eye glowed, when it was green it meant one thing, Sans was truly happy, "Thanks, Frisk…"

Fukufire arched a fiery eyebrow, "Did you say something?"

Sans chuckled, his eye returning to normal, "Just happy someone helped me enjoy the little things."

"Hi honey." Said Fukufire's husband with a small smile before placing a kiss on her forehead without getting burned thanks to a cheesy cliché magic known as love. But hey, if you call that a predictable excuse then why fix what isn't broken and what fixes your problems in a believable way given the context?

Her son jumped into her lap with a large grin, "Mommy, mommy, did you see me? I didn't melt the ice this time!"

"And you skated fabulously, sweetie." She replied while Papyrus and Charlotte approached Sans.

"Shall we leave now, brother?" the taller brother asked with a smile.

"What say you, kiddo? Had enough fun for a day?" he asked the tiny spider girl.

"Uh…" the only human in the group intervened, "Not to cut in, but… would you like some Nice Cream? We were about to have some."

The trio gave the man some odd looks, to which his son replied, "Dad and I always get some when we're here, though Mom has trouble eating it." Ok, that explained their doubts about why he'd mention ice cream with a family themed around fire.

Fukufire giggled, "I like it, but if I don't follow my diet I may lose weight." Same reason why Grillby didn't drink water, it'd make him lose too much weight.

They found a certain blue rabbit-like monster and his trademark stand, already serving a small line. As they waited for their frozen treat in the cold weather that was best fit to eat them without the cold dairy melting, Sans watched the family. Grillby did stand close to his daughter, making Fukufire's husband nervous. Clearly an overprotective dad, but not a cruel one. The kids seemed to have fun chatting about some cartoon they watched, Charlotte because of Alphys bringing some DVDs one time and the blue-fire haired boy because his dad was a nerd.

"My favorite character like ever, ever, ever has to be… Mazinger, he's the best robot ever!" Charlotte cheered.

The boy shook his head with a grin, "Nah, the best ever has to be Franky! He's a cyborg that runs on cola! How much cooler can a human be?!"

"What do you think it's the best weapon? I like the Getter Tomahawk and the way Ryoma uses it against really evil monsters."

"I prefer cool attacks, like Johnathan's Sunlight Yellow Overdrive."

"Heh, nerds…" Sans said with a placid smile.

After they got their Nice Cream, said their goodbyes and got back home, the skeletons carried everything inside with Papyrus and Charlotte carrying some bags and Sans levitating others.

"Ah, hello there." Toriel greeted them while Asgore lit the fireplace, "Your timing couldn't be any more perfect."

Muffet's daughter threw the bags into the air when she noticed what the goat woman had in her hands, "Cookies!" she was about to race to them, but noticed what she had done.

"I'm… back…" Undyne mumbled as the stench of the eggs on her clothes and face started to cling to her scales. Sauce and oil drenched her, and rice was stuck on her body.

Charlotte's six hands went to her mouth, "Oh… oh… I'm sorry, so sorry, auntie. I…"

The fish woman sighed and patted her head, "Listen, next time just be careful… at least you didn't hurt anyone… and I was sweaty already. Let me just get a shower."

Alphys walked in when Undyne left, "W-Wow… she… she's a lot… calmer than I expected her to be…"

There was a whine, and the odd family turned to see that it didn't come from the regretful spider girl, but from… a bear. A bear was clinging to the tree with fear in its eyes.

"Shouldn't you be hibernating?" Toriel asked.

The bear shook his head, "What do you mean hibernating? I was about to try to get a tree for my family and I and then I find Undyne! I thought I had smelled some proper salmon to bring home and tried to catch and I… I… I'll go home now." He walked out of the house without much to say.

"At this point I shouldn't be surprised." Toriel said before her dress was tugged by three right hands, "Oh my dear child, what is it? Are you still scared of Undyne?"

The little brunette shook her head, "I messed up… I ruined dinner." She turned to see the ingredients scattered on the ground.

Toriel didn't know what to say. She wanted to reassure the girl that there was no trouble but it seemed like the spider wouldn't believe her.

"There's no need to fret, dear." Asgore said, patting the little girl's head, "After all, a chef doesn't give excuses, they give results. Why don't you and your grandmother see what you can cook without those ingredients?"

Charlotte was stunned and turned to Toriel, who smiled, "He's right, we can still try and cook something good."

The girl beamed and Toriel mouthed a brief thank you to the bearded goat, making the goat man blush a bit and pat himself on the back.

As the motherly woman and her granddaughter figure started cooking, Alphys and Asgore were busy, "Alphys, are you sure this will work?"

"I… I have my… d-doubts, but… yes… It should…" the lizard woman said as she put a jet engine in a red not-so-magical vehicle a certain jolly man in red used to deliver gifts.

Asgore had some trouble fitting his beard underneath a fake white beard, "I know you can do it, sorry. I'm just nervous. It's the first time I dressed as Santa after we left The Underground." He had tried to do it for Frisk but he and Toriel still had much to go through before the woman would allow him to be her friend at least, "I think I've put on some weight."

"D-Don't worry. Knowing them, they'll be happy with just the costume…" Alphys said, sounding slightly confident despite an odd tremor in her voice.

Asgore nodded, feeling a smile cross his face at hearing those words from the former royal scientist. It showed how much she had grown as a person, "Thank you, Alphys. I bet not many kids thought they'd be able to ride with Santa, but I'm glad you made that dream possible."

The nerdy lizard's scales changed from yellow to red.

Finally at dinner, everyone was set with Charlotte giggling as she pulled on Asgore's fake beard. Papyrus and Undyne helped Toriel set the table while Sans put the last decoration on the tree. Alphys smiled as she turned on the lights and soon the house and the tree were bright beacons of holiday spirit.

"So I'll get to fly with you like if I were with the real Santa, grandpa?" the girl asked the older monster.

Asgore chortled, "Of course. I am a Santa of my own, so I would do my best to make your wish come true."

Charlotte looked down at that, making the others worry, "What's the matter, dear?" Toriel asked.

"I did want to see Mom and Dad for this. Why are they not here?" she asked sadly.

"Everyone, come here!" Sans called from the living room.

The TV was broadcasting a bakery opening with a very familiar couple. The reporter smiled at the camera, "Here we are at the Spider Café's Christmas opening! I must say, to do all of this on this night is surprising, Miss Muffet. Why here and now?"

Muffet smiled as she turned to the camera and winked at it with her two right eyes, "Because…" here she hugged her husband, "It was the time when my husband and I first kissed! I wanted to do something special in this holiday, and I plan on arriving home soon to celebrate it properly among my family."

The reporter smiled nervously, "That is an amazing backstory, but we believed you'd stay here for a few days given that you and your husband were here as diplomats for-"

There was a loud noise of something crashing down, to which Frisk aimed as if to explain what happened. It showed a giant blue robot walking up to an enormous alien monster with a knife-shaped head. What was truly bizarre was that both sides were shaking hands.

Muffet spoke up, "We're thankful to Jaeger pilots for taking care of Kaiju negotiations while we leave. Do not worry, though, there's been an understanding and the Kaiju have promised not to attack during Christmas." Muffet giggled, "I am just glad the Kaiju love my desserts, especially my new recipe for giant sized cakes."

"Oh…" the reporter couldn't make any more coherent sentences.

Frisk waved at the camera with a smile, which Muffet mimicked, "Oh, hi sweetie! We'll be back home in a few hours!"

The screen faded to another reporter, "And that was our report from two hours ago at-"

Sans turned off the TV, ready to make a comment about what happened until the doorbell rang.

Charlotte ran to the door, and quickly jumped to embrace her parents.

That was a good night for everyone as they enjoyed the holidays together for the sake of making each other smile.

What else could one ask from a holiday centered about giving kindness?


	5. Picture perfect times

I OWN NOTHING

The more Undertale themed covers I see of the song "Stronger Than You", the more I want a Pacifist version of that song. Enough gloom and doom, people! Let's hope and dream again!

 **XXXXXX**

Being subtle was her forte. Being sneaky was a natural talent. Being manipulative came to her like the instinct to breathe. To be a spider meant she knew how to weave around her webs in more ways than one. Muffet was no girl that'd twiddle her thumbs when a chance was given to her. No, she'd make sure her prey was where she wanted it to be, and then…

*Snap!*

Easy… Too easy…

She wondered why Frisk didn't notice her mostly taking pictures of him yet, but she wouldn't complain. He did give her a smile whenever she did and she even displayed some of them to him, all to not come as creepy but as friendly. She did have a lot of pictures in her kitchen and locker, after all, and that'd scare any boy away, if it weren't for a single well practiced excuse of hers.

"Another day, another picture of my best friend." She giggled, motioning for him to look at the picture on her phone, "I'll put this in my kitchen."

Frisk would have asked why she had pictures of him, but she had already explained to him it was because, like with Alphys, she came to cheer for him when he passed great adversities.

"Another picture of the hero of every spider." She said in a sing-song voice, "I may sell these to any hard-working spider. Ahuhuhu…"

Giving her a hand gesture that signified he was okay with it made her smile more.

"Just kidding… I wouldn't sell the one that helped the spider clans with his donations and even helped me after how mean I was to him." she really wanted to say more, but she worried that she was being too obvious with her feelings. After all, human women had to make men crawl to them… or at least a magazine she read said so.

Besides, being friends was good enough, it meant she was a step closer to being more important to him with the right moves.

However, it also meant having to be friends with his friends.

Now, Muffet was a refined lady with high standards and always valued manners, but she knew Frisk. She had also seen enough soap operas to know she'd hate herself if she became the kind of woman that controlled a man's life telling him who to be with and who not to be with. Pretty much just like how any woman would hate a man controlling her life.

In short, she at least tried to know them… Not in the way Frisk got to know her after the kitchen incident, which had been way too forward of an approach for both!

At least the embarrassment ended quickly thanks to Frisk holding her to reassure her that it was an odd misfortune and nothing to be blamed about.

However, at the moment both were walking back home, with Muffet having a small purple backpack on her shoulders and Frisk carrying a yellow sling-pack. Muffet had just finished taking a picture of Frisk after he found a stray beetle on the street, caught it, and left it on a nice patch of grass on the nearby park for it to be away from anything that could crush it.

She decided to celebrate taking a picture of him, and teasing him for his odd heroics, "Just look how kind you are, you could easily take a girl's heart… Ahuhuhu…" she smiled when a hint of pink invaded his cheeks, and turned away because she knew a darkening hue of purple spread on her face.

And just like that, the universe did a turn upside down.

"Nyeh heh heh! Worry not, humans! I, The Great Papyrus, am always ready to bring a smile to your faces!"

They turned to see a crowd gather around the tall skeleton in an alley. Many men, women, and children wearing worn out clothes covered in dirt or other filth walked to the jolly skeleton serving plate after plate of pasta. The people looked like they were in Heaven after taking a bite of the at least halfway decent noodles and sauce made with a passion only Undyne could match… before burning a building down.

Muffet was surprised at the laughs and the aura of sheer joy that people shared from having someone be nice to them. She had to blink twice when Frisk just suddenly appeared besides the tallest of the skeleton brothers, already dressed for the occasion. He had an apron, a fishnet hat, gloves, and even a mask for colds.

"Oh hoh! It appears we got a set of extra hands, my dear new friends!" Papyrus cheered, as did the people he was serving while Frisk helped him prepare more sauce. They did that by having Frisk carefully and gently petting the vegetables, letting them know everything was all right and that there was love in the world they'd go to as a delicious sauce. Papyrus would follow up pounding the veggies.

Muffet giggled and took another picture, "I am so keeping this one with me for a long time." she then waved at Frisk, "Have fun, dearie, I'd like to join you but I have work to do."

And after she got to her home/bakery, served whoever entered the place, and finally got to her room after a long day of work. Now that it was night time, she printed her pictures.

Her room was modest enough with a desk with two drawers, one for pencils and such other items she needed to do her homework or assignments, and another for makeup. She had a computer on it too, and next to it a printer was getting out her current pictures. She smiled and went to her bed, a large bundle of webs that one could comfortably sink in. And on her walls, glued with more webs, were pictures of her and Frisk.

She giggled again, hoping he'd see these pictures but at the same time wanting to die in embarrassment about it. How could she not? She got him to be pretty accepting of this "hobby" of hers, and he didn't seem to catch on her intentions. It was maddening, it was torture, and she loved every second of the tension it created. Like an adrenaline rush.

Just the thought of Frisk catching a glimpse of her pictures and realizing she held him in higher regards than he could think of… Intoxicating was a good word to start describing the feeling. To think of him finding the pictures she kept hidden among them, at times at plain view. Like the one of her in a cute one-piece blue swimsuit beside him, hugging him while making hearts with her hands at the camera.

Those were the pictures she did want to see him find… but the thought he could catch on and realize her teasing had a deeper meaning was too terrifying. At times some of those pictures were taking without him knowing, like the time at the beach he was taking off his shirt for a swim... oh how Muffet mentally thanked Undyne for training Frisk.

Ok, his physique did win her over, and Frisk did protect her from bullies, but it was his kindness that won her over, and could win any girl over too…

Any… girl…

"Could I be…" she had a flashback to the day at the beach.

It was pretty warm but a cool breeze made sure no one suffered from a heat stroke. Muffet was ecstatic to have some time to herself and see if she could work on a tan. She found herself groaning at the fact the sun's rays didn't affect her smooth skin since, while soft to the touch, it was tough enough to prevent some harm like a spider's exoskeleton.

Well, her tanning didn't work, but there were waves, tropical drinks on nearby stands, and a large basket with spider donuts and spider cider waiting to be sold when she had enough fun.

"Hey look, isn't he adorable?" she heard a girl say, making Muffet's five eyes turn to the water.

"He's got nice muscle." Said another girl, and Muffet saw both were humans.

And they were looking at a brunet on a small board, rowing with his hands on the water against the waves. Muffet's mouth dropped open when she saw it was Frisk. Nearby was Alphys in a blue one-piece swimsuit beside Undyne, wearing a yellow top and matching yellow shorts. But despite seeing Frisk using his arms to paddle through the waves, her attention returned to the girls.

"I'm so going to bump into him. It's like Dating 101. Just bump into him, lean into that strong body, and use cute eyes…" Muffet felt her six hands clench.

The other girl giggled, "Wow, you're forward! Well, why don't you let me try talk to him? See if I can soften him up for either of us."

"Sounds great!"

The two girls were about to go where Frisk was… but Muffet suddenly felt like yawning, so she stretched her arms in a deliberate manner and soon web-strings got the girls' ankles tied together. The spider girl giggled a bit at her mischief before standing up. The two girls could only gasp when their faces met the sand.

However… "Hey, can I join you?"

Another girl, this time with cute pigtails, asked Frisk that while floating in a tube. Muffet felt tempted to destroy the flotation device, but knew better than to harm a girl beyond repair. Oh sure, she could trip girls, but let them drown? There was a limit! She had seen enough drama series to know killing someone would end up with the police locking her up.

And she spotted her phone nearby… which is when she got a certain idea.

As the girl chatted with Frisk, Muffet didn't excuse herself, "Hello dearie!" the boy arched a brow as she hugged him to her side and took a picture of him and her, "Sorry, I just had to! You looked so adorable swimming!" Frisk blushed but managed to stay on his board.

The girl in the tube chuckled nervously, "Oh… I think my mom's calling me. Have a nice day!"

Muffet and Frisk waved goodbye, but she had her two lower right arms pump out of Frisk's point of view at her little victory.

It was when she recalled those events that she realized one thing, "Oh dear God, I don't want to be the jealous type!" she groaned, her five eyes narrowing at the pictures on her wall.

For every single picture of Frisk alone, there was one of him with his friends around, like this last one with Papyrus. There were pictures of her too, but also many more of him with Asgore, Toriel, Alphys, Undyne, Monster Kid, either of the Skeleton brothers, and many other monsters. Dare she say it, there were perhaps more pictures of him with dogs than with her.

And then it hit her, "Ugh… I can't help but be jealous… All I do to spend time with him is take pictures and put them around everywhere… And he doesn't seem to notice them!" she growled, "That dummy! I go through all this trouble for him and he-"

There was a series of small knocks on her door from thousands of her spiders. Once she recollected herself she went out and found them crawling to the bakery. She arched a brow, for it was supposed to be closed. That was when she saw the only good reason she'd have to open her place at such an hour. She hurriedly opened the door, feeling conflicted now that she just tackled some of her issues.

"It's late, dearie, why would you need to see me?" she asked the short object of her affections.

Frisk smiled and handed her a box. She opened it, seeing spaghetti in it. But what was surprising was what was on it.

The pasta was arranged to look like a heart along the sauce, and on the lid was a picture of Frisk and his odd family with a single note:

 _Dear Muffet, we love you a skele-ton. Would you like to join us for a picnic? We want you to be part of the family so you're nevr alone._

Muffet turned around, giving her back to a now worried Frisk just to quickly wipe the tears building in her eyes, "Uh… oh dear… I…" she gulped before turning to him with a beaming smile, "I'd love to!"

Frisk instantly pulled out his phone and took a picture of her. He showed it to her, before turning the phone around and starting to fiddle with the buttons. When he finished, he showed her the picture again. Her face was in a red square, in a heart-shaped hole. Granted, she could see the same with the pictures of his other friends, but, as they say, small spider steps.

And small spider steps take one to bigger spider steps.

The kind of big spider steps that lead to adult Muffet sighing in the couch, watching a horror movie so bad, so horribly acted, so stupid, that it caused her and her husband to laugh.

As she did, she had to resist the urge to pat her growing belly while Frisk let her use his body as a pillow. He was also rubbing her head while she held the popcorn bowl. He would try to get some, but the cravings made it difficult when she added in chocolate syrup, melted cheese, and honey. Even a diet in The Underworld couldn't prepare him for that.

But he had things to look forward to… such as showing his future child how she grew in her mother's belly.

Muffet smiled when her husband took a picture of them to add to their album, "Want to know something? I think it's going to be a girl, and that she'll take after me with the hobbies." She giggled, "Ahuhuhu, how's a little chef sound?"

He simply kissed her forehead, making her smile as she leaned on him.

Despite the pains, she did look forward to having someone to love along her personal hero.


	6. Cooking with Undyne and Papyrus

I OWN NOTHING

It seems I get angry comments from people who don't like me adding anime stuff here in an Undertale fic. I don't even know what to tell you considering Alphys is the embodiment of an anime lover. Anyway, have some random stuff just because.

 **XXXXXX**

Perfection, many magazines, ads, and anything could claim to help one achieve perfection. Others usually argued that perfection was a word of pure evil and everyone could be beautiful. In the end, it didn't matter. She wanted to feel as perfect as she could be despite what the world said. Wasn't that what mattered in the end? To feel confident with makeup yet strong with your own charms like your white clean fangs?

In the end, Muffet turned away from her large mirror and grabbed a cotton towel and a bottle of special oils for spiders to clean herself, "It's a picnic anyway, not a five-star restaurant." She mumbled to herself, feeling both mentally and physically exhausted from constantly trying to look better for what would happen in a few hours.

Frisk and his family of oddballs had invited her to a picnic, and she couldn't be happier to be with him even if there was some extra company. Thus she stood up and admired her outfit. It was a simple white summer dress with a purple sash that accentuated her spider waist. The dress was backless, so she could move her six arms freely. She looked down at her legs, feeling a bit proud in showing them.

"Give it a couple years, and maybe he'll fall for them, ahuhuhu…" spiders had great pride in their legs, few people knew that a tarantula could charm a good male by flaunting a bit of her curvaceous, hairy front legs.

Muffet, being a dancer on the side as well as a spider dance instructor, gave a few taps on the floor with her white flat shoes. She smiled, for she had a little plan in her head. It all depended on Frisk's mood, and if he wasn't careful, she'd be delighted to have him trapped to her rhythm once again. Giving a soft giggle, she exited her place, unable to contain her excitement.

"I guess I shall see if my natural charms are enough." She said as she stared at the makeup bottles, brushes, and other such products before her, "Being a girl in the human world is harder than it looks."

She wondered what the small brunet would wear.

Frisk himself also wondered what he should wear, "Nah, kid, yer supposed to charm her… Seriously, you asked the laziest guy you knew for advice. Why not ask Toriel?"

Sans was actually serious. Sure, asking Mettaton for help would be a bad idea since he could already see Frisk wearing a white blazer with a pink cravat, purple dress shirt, some fancy black pants, and two-toned shoes. Papyrus' sense of fashion was something even Sans would admit Frisk shouldn't use. Alphys had only one good dress in the Underworld. And Undyne came with the risk of needing to call the fire department.

That left Sans as the sensible option for advice on clothing for something casual and comfortable. Sans would just roll his eyes and tell Frisk to use his everyday clothing. However, Frisk wanted to look good considering how life had treated him with Muffet. She had been kind, friendly, and also stingy and teasing. He wanted to be on good terms with her at the very least, and she was really cute, true enough.

Also, he didn't want to tell Toriel he wanted to impress a girl. He could just hear the goat woman squeal and drag him to try on things to make Muffet think of him as priceless. The fire casting woman could be a great mother, so as one she could make her child in all but blood feel embarrassed. Like taking photos of him in a sailor uniform, complete with hat, because she thought it was cute.

"Listen, kid, in a couple of years you'll laugh this off… Or completely regret it, so the only pressure is whether you do it or not." Sans offered, "'sides, she's got five eyes for you. I think that's like five chances to catch her eye. So just pick something, and I promise I won't laugh at it."

Frisk offered his friend a smile at the bad joke and returned to face his closet, pulling a few clothes. After a few moments, he got a thumb up from Sans. The boy wore a purple button up shirt with short sleeves, a pair of blue shorts that covered his knees, and black and white sneakers. Not really fashionable but also not too casual. And he topped it with a pair of cool aviator sunglasses that Sans handed him.

"It's gonna be a hot day for your hot date, may want to keep your eyes on her and not stare at the sun." Frisk frowned at the bad joke, making the skeleton shrug, "Hey, don't blame me when you're the one that stares at her when she dances. We know you are not just checking her moves."

The boy blushed and the skeleton sighed, patting his back, "Listen, kiddo, just lighten up and have fun. If things don't go too well, I know you've got the determination to try again."

"What're you two up to?" they heard Toriel asking from downstairs, "Frisk, my dear, is everything all right there?"

"Just short stuff," Sans rubbed the boy's head while smiling at the goat woman, who giggled at the horrible and plain awkward to write pun. Hey, you try coming up with bad jokes, readers.

Toriel nodded, "Alright, but please do dress yourself, Frisk, it's-"

"It's horrible!" Alphys cried running into the room, clutching her face, "Papyrus and Undyne are cooking! Your Majesty, they-"

Toriel sighed, "Please do not refer to me by such a title, I am just Toriel. But if those two are cooking, I guess I'll call the carpenter, the plumber, the fire dep-"

"No, you don't get it!" the lizard scientist didn't even stutter, so they knew it had to be serious, "They tried to cook something other than spaghetti!"

Dread and silence filled the room as a loud roar of something neither human or monster echoed in the room and the whole neighborhood. Seconds later they saw Papyrus and Undyne backpedaling with the former throwing barrages of bones and the latter twirling her spear to deflect… something. Whatever it was, it most definitely was alive, and not kind. It had green… slime… or something, with brown spots.

And the best way to describe it was a pinnacle of bad cooking, like hatred and regret were poured into whatever the two unlikely cooks put into the mix. Once they set foot on the room, they closed the door shut, put their backs into it, and panted. Undyne's eye twitched after… whatever she had just seen in the kitchen, and Papyrus was clutching his madly beating and non-existent – at least physically wise - heart.

"I knew I should've put flour." The redhead fish warrior slid down to her butt on the floor.

"I knew I shouldn't have put broccoli." The lanky skeleton rested his head against the door.

"What in the good name of anything you may hold sacred did you try to cook?" Toriel had limits to how much she could allow the two to do in her kitchen. Fires weren't a problem since her magic allowed her to control the flames, and any explosions could be solved by Alphys repairing and bringing new ovens. Creating new life that was more than likely intent on destroying the world with pure hatred crossed the line.

And the two just shrugged, "A surprise?" they said in unison, causing everyone else in the room to slap their faces.

There was a roar and a tendril of… purple and pink… stuff, burst in through the door, "Stay back!" Toriel stepped forward, waving a hand and shooting a fireball at the tendril… only to see it be consumed by it, "What?!"

Sans started to sweat, "Well, looks like we're bon-" as soon as he got started on the delivery of his bad joke, the tendril grabbed him by his hoodie and threw him out the window.

Papyrus rubbed his chin, "Perhaps we can keep it as a pet…"

"Papyrus!" Toriel scolded him.

The lanky skeleton smacked his head, "Sorry! I was just so relieved it stopped my brother from making a joke I completely forgot it's trying to murder us!"

Frisk for his part grabbed Alphys and tried to lead her away from the creature, doing so after dodging under one of its tendrils lashing at him. Undyne, seeing her girlfriend and first human friend in danger, jumped at the tendril with a spear in both hands, tip aimed down, and nailed the gooey tentacle to the floor… only to watch it absorb her weapon. She froze in place, mouth agape after what she just saw, vulnerable.

Roaring yet again, the food thing shot five tendrils at the eye patch wearing fish, going for her blind side. She gasped, finally catching sight of the attack when Frisk tackled her, the small and incredibly brave boy had just shoved her away and stood in the way. He cringed, his squinted eyes shutting tighter as he waited for the impact… but it never came. He looked up to a large looming shadow in a pink shirt.

"Sorry for the late arrival, I just met Sans downstairs after he fell on me." Asgore grunted while holding back the tendrils with his trident, and Frisk finally noticed he was engulfed in a blue light that pulled him away.

"Nice catching up with you, Your Highness." The short skeleton said as the five fighting monsters and their tiny human son/brother in all but blood and best friend stood together. Alphys, not being a fighter, stood back. The food creature pulled back, though, as if what Sans said had been such a bad joke it had been physically hurt, "Huh, guess it does share something with you, bro."

"I'm sad that the one kindred spirit I find regarding your jokes has tried to do us great harm." The scarf wearing skeleton hung his head low.

"Its composition may share some of Papyrus' DNA and Undyne's since they made it." Alphys said, analyzing its structure with her phone, "But that doesn't explain how this came to be! Or what could be its weakness! Could there be anything to counter such awful-" Suddenly, a loud scream echoed in the house, Alphys shuddering, "That sounds like a little girl's in trouble!" and everyone instinctively turned to look at Papyrus.

The skeleton nearly shot steam out of its ear holes, "It wasn't me!"

"It came from downstairs." Undyne's words made Frisk's eyes almost open in realization.

Without a second thought, the boy jumped at the pile of what was supposedly food and started to swim through it, not even caring about his family's protests. He swam through with some difficulty since the food being still moved and wiggles and it was thick, not like tar but still about as easy to swim as muddy water. But soon he got to the first floor where he saw a horrified Muffet in a beautiful white summer dress.

Her two upper hands covered her mouth while her other four held a box in which she had the food made by her for the picnic. Before her was the creature's true form, a large face with two frozen pizzas for eyes, a mouth of uncooked hotdogs as the teeth, and a tongue made of jelly. Its frozen eyes locked on the box in Muffet's hands and it locked its slimy lips. The spider girl took a step back while tendrils neared her.

And without thinking, even less than before, Frisk just jumped down a second floor, wrapped his arms and legs around one of the tendrils about to touch Muffet, and sunk his teeth in it. The taste was beyond indescribable. If the first taste of spaghetti he had from Papyrus left him speechless, the new attempt to making something other than pasta left his nostrils flaring and his tongue burning for death's sweet release.

Tears rolled down his cheeks before the slime covered boy fell flat on his back before a very worried Muffet, who had let go of her box and rushed to his side, "Frisk, are you okay?! How many arms am I holding up?!" he groggily brought up his hands, showing ten fingers while Muffet used four arms to clean him up and cradle him, with her other two held up for him to see. It was obvious the taste was awful.

Before she could say anything, the creature grabbed her box and threw it right at its mouth. But then things just got weird. The food thing's body jiggled, trembling like a large platter of gelatin being slapped and, to both kids' shock, it started to shrink with weak whining noises. Soon all that was left of the culinary abomination only the most unlikely of cooks could make was a single blob of green with brown spots.

It opened a tiny mouth to try to roar, but it merely mewled pathetically at them, "Not so tough now, are you?" Undyne emphasized her words by stabbing a spear inches from the thing's body.

Alphys adjusted her glasses, "It seems good food is the only way to counter this thing's growth while magic only makes it grown, fascinating… I may keep it for research."

"I say we ice him." Muffet said in an uncharacteristically cold voice, pun intended. However, Frisk, still in her arms, could see some tears forming on her eyes that she kept from letting them fall, "I worked so hard to make that cake and he just ruined this picnic. If there's anything in your research that may hurt it, do it."

"Come on, child, it was a picnic." Toriel patted the girl's pigtailed head, "What do you say we just cook something, just you and I?"

The king agreed, "There must be something salvageable, and the others can buy food. We can make lunch here and clean the mess later. After all, there's no way we can overlook what we planned this picnic f-"

His words died when Toriel elbowed him, though Muffet just looked at them confused. She didn't note Frisk's blushing face.

And, as time went on, the story finally reached someone's ears of what really happened behind the scenes, "So Daddy planned a picnic just to get to know you better?" the tiny spider girl asked her large spider mom.

"He was just so adorably shy when confessing to me that he needed his family's help to try that. Oh, we spent a wonderful lunch even if the house was a mess. We were seated together and while your father was never much for a conversation we had fun. Of course, I was mad that I lost the cake but I got what I really wanted, to talk with him."

Frisk sighed as he heard his wife and daughter talking in the living room while he prepared dinner, he opened the fridge and swiftly stuffed a carrot in the mouth of a living ball of goo, besides a certain snowball, "Thanks Frisk, he was getting hungry. Aren't you, my cute little Rolly?" the slime gave a gurgle of happiness accompanied by the living piece of snow to which Frisk smiled before finishing dinner.

It was always odd how his life tended to get weird in perhaps the best of ways.

 **XXXXXX**

I'm glad I got this happy and just plain whacky chapter out, it's been difficult these past weeks with my father in the hospital. With news that what he has is, thank the heavens, not cancer or anything that dangerous, I feel at ease. I still have to go and help him, even sleeping on the hospital floor, but hey, at least the doctors are doing their job and he's not dying, so I won't complain.

Also, I'd like to thank Radix, Cami-Cat and Aria R. from Youtube for making some amazing Hopes and Dreams lyrical covers, they helped me get some tears out. In the good way, I mean. Like I said, difficult times but Undertale has once again helped me see the good in the world with a smile.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you're just another hater that will flame this fic, let me laugh and say I've been hit with everything. I've gotten people telling me to kill myself for making this fic, saying I'm the worst for making a heterosexual pairing when I clearly say this is for fun and nothing else... and a lot more stuff. You know what? You can keep trying, I'll keep writing because I love Undertale.


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